World War III: Funniest World War?

At a time when nearly all News outlets shy away from such a touchy subject as the war in Iraq, we here at The Foggiest feel the need to let the people in on the stone cold facts. The only lean we give you is a lean on truth, and honesty, and righteousness. War correspondent Eric comes to us today with a look at the brewing animosity the News World doesn't want you to see.

Part 1 – Germans, Funny Again.

On this, the eve of an uncertain apocalypse between states and fanatical factions of varying religions, I cant help but find humor in the soul-crushing events that are leading up to what I hope will be the funniest world war the world has ever laughed at, World War III.

While most writers, comedians, and politicians have lampooned the unpleasant state of things in Iraq, I believe the current state of events building, not only in the Middle East, but in Asia, Latin America, and Laguna Beach, will be one of the best episodes of human destruction, chaos, and insanity - to laugh at.

So, we first set our stage on the picturesque banks of the Rhine, where our last World War ended, Germany. Germany has recently pledged to send navy and air forces to Lebanon to protect Israel against Hezbollah guerillas. Bold, Germany. Bold…and daring. Germany’s Chancellor Merkel has called the move “historic.” Not because of the whole holocaust thing, or the fact that every time Germany has mobilized its military in the twentieth century the world has been steeped in death and destruction, but because Germany generally does not do too many funny things. Granted, this “historic” move would not be that funny without the events of WW II, but maybe this is the punch line. Germany has been brilliantly building up this irony of all ironies since 1936.

What Germany has is a little thing called Schadenfreude—taking pleasure in other’s misfortune—which believe is the underlying humor of any world war, especially this war.

Schadenfreude is taking hold all over the globe. It’s a new fanaticism that will not stop until it has reached the hearts, minds, and souls of every honest and sensitive individual.

Just look at the current row between the Vatican and the world’s third funniest religion, Islam (Judaism is the first, followed by Irish-Catholics). To break it down: Pope made reference to Islam being something evil, did not know he was miked, apologized, learned that forgiveness is not as eternal as originally thought, Islam declared war on “followers of the way of the cross,” enflaming of effigies ensues.

Now, I do believe that the Pope, being a former member of the Nazi youth movement, is only showing his support for his homeland’s current military hysteria of sending support into Lebanon to protect Israel. The only way for the Pope to be able to show his support—the Vatican can’t go to war, unless it is ordained as a holy mission from on high—was to make a little jab at the Muslims. And it worked. Touché pope, touché.

So, Part I, Act I of the wonderful misery on this World War’s stage is being hysterically set. But what hilarity is to ensue? Will China be the first army to lead an invasion by bicycles—not if the Dutch have anything to say about it. And will Latin America, contribute anything funny to World War III—if Carlos Mencia is any indication, no. And do Jews really start all wars—the road warrior may be on to something.

by Eric